Do not Fear...

Do you ever find that you need to be reminded of the same things over and over again? Of course, the older we get, the more forgetful we become. I don't think this is what I am talking about. What I am talking about isn't forgetfulness due to the deterioration of the body because of the aging process. I am talking about the fact that even those who know the truth about God need to be reminded of that same truth over and over again. As human beings, we are great forgetters. Let me illustrate what I am talking about. People around our family are so encouraging to us. One thing that we hear over and over is people tell us reminding us that God has all of this under control. Of course, he does. In a word, God is sovereign. The doctrine of God's sovereignty should be a great comfort, especially when things fall outside our ability to control. I know that God has a plan and purpose for everything that happens, including Gage. Any theology that suggests that Gage's rare cancer isn't part of God's plan for him and our family is horrible. God, while not the author of sin and evil, is sovereign, meaning that he uses sin and evil for his purpose and glory (Rom 8:28). It would be foolish not to believe what is happening is part of God's plan and purpose. I know these things. I have spent countless hours in college and seminary working through all of this. I have preached and taught these things for years. I know it. My question is, how is it that, although I find great comfort in God's sovereignty, I am still terrified?

Perhaps terrified is the wrong word. I don't think it is, though. The prospect of Gage living with cancer and walking through the continued hardship of treatment and checkups - terrifies me. The thought of these things is what I think about in the middle of the night and why I can't go back to sleep. This is why uncontrollable tears come at the strangest times; it seems so hard to function.

Amidst all this, I remember that one of my favorite verses is Genesis 15:6, where we read that Abraham believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness. What does that have to do with any of this? The answer is found in the first verse of that chapter. The Lord comes to Abram in a vision and tells him to "fear not" because the Lord is his shield. There is something very comforting about the Lord telling the "heroes" of Scripture to not fear. Men like Joshua are in their position because they trust the Lord. Listen to Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened and dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." It is as though the Lord must assure the faithful over and over again that there is no need to fear. In both of these situations, although very different, the thought of what lay in front of them was overwhelming.

Over and over in Isaiah 41, we read the words "fear not." Just listen to Isaiah 41:10: "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Why is the Lord saying this? Why does he tell his people not to fear? Judgment is on the horizon, and things will look pretty bleak, but at the same time, the Lord will be their strength and help them.

Jesus teaches the same thing in Matthew 10. Jesus says, "And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell." Should we be afraid of eternal judgment? The answer is yes if we have not put our hope in Jesus. Jesus' point is that those who are his have no reason to fear. "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows." Why are we told not to fear? Our heavenly Father both knows us and loves us.

Joseph, Jesus' earthly dad, had a pregnant wife and was facing a horrible situation, but the messenger from the Lord told him not to fear. Zechariah and Elizabeth (John the Baptist's parents) were both righteous people and walked blamelessly in all the commandments and statutes of the LORD (Luke 1:6). An angel of the Lord came to Zechariah, and we read that fear fell upon him. The angel, Gabrial, told him that he would have a son, but he had trouble believing it. He said, my wife is advanced in years - how will she have a son? To his disbelief, he was struck mute. It was after the child was born that he was able to speak because he reiterated that the child's name would be John. It was an act of faith. He needed to be reminded.

Here is my point in all of this: I need to be reminded over and over not to fear because the Lord is on my side. Not only is this his plan happening according to his good purpose, but he is right there with us because he cares for us.

Monday morning, as we got up early and headed to the Mayo Clinic for our appointments, I needed to remind myself that the Lord is my shield and my help in all of this. Before we walked out the door, I prayed the simple prayer that has become a daily routine: "Lord, Please help me to be a strong dad and husband today because I can't do it without you."

We got to our first appointment early; it was just a blood draw. This is the first time we have had this done on this pediatric floor, and the lady who took his blood was so fast. That didn't really matter much to Gage. He made a huge scene, and we learned later that our doctor heard him and asked if it was Gage. It wasn't long, and Gage got that out of his system and perked up. Actually, Gage was very friendly during all of our consultation appointments. He showed a couple of different doctors how to use their stethoscopes and took pictures of our social workers. Our team finally got to see Gage's personality this time, which was very good.

We are in the process of figuring out Gage's medicine. The insurance for Gage started on March 1, so Monday was the first day our doctor could petition them so that Gage could take the medicine she wants to give him. We decided that we would start the treatment right away and just pay it out of pocket to get started (it will arrive in the mail Thursday morning). The medicine is a tablet that dissolves in water, so we will use a syringe to give it to him two times a day. Pray for that process - he isn't a big fan of medicine. There is so much that we could say about the medicine, but just pray that it works like they think it will and that he does not have side effects.

We also learned that Gage has something in his blood that "helps" or carries the ECD to different body parts. When the ECD impacts other body systems, there is often something in the blood - and Gage has it. At least, this is the way I understand it. The medicine that Gage is on now will not have an impact on this thing in his blood, so the plan is that down the road (in a year or so), we might have to do something else (like chemotherapy) to take care of what is in his blood, which will be extremely helpful. We will cross that bridge when we get to it.

We also met with Gage's cardiologist, who said that she was "underwhelmed" by the MRI of his heart. There was a concern that the aorta was enlarged, which could have been caused by ECD. The cardiologist was not concerned by this and said that his aorta looked normal. There was also something else on the MRI that was a bit troubling regarding the look of some cells on the initial reading, but again, the cardiologist said that it was nothing. She did tell us that since ECD is a progressive disease, we should have an MRI of his heart every year and monitor it. We will need to go to Mayo every three months for scans and tests for the foreseeable future, so the MRI of his heart will just be tacked on to all of the rest of them.

We don't know what we would do without your support and encouragement. We are so grateful! Thank you for all of your prayers. We believe in prayer and know we have gotten this far in our journey because of the many prayers lifted for Gage. Our prayers are centered on the insurance company approving this medication for Gage, and it is working well for him! Thank you.