Tooth and Nail

Several people have asked how Gage's new medicine is going down. Well, I tell them that he has been taking it and fighting it tooth and nail. Every morning and evening, we go through the medicine drama. We have tried several ways to "psych" him up for it. We have promised him popsicles and even money if he takes it well. The other day, it was time for his morning medicine, so I went to make it. He was watching me, and when he saw that I grabbed the bottle, he started to panic. He put his little hands up and said, "No, no," then he ran to the bedroom, closed the door, and sat behind it so I couldn't come in. I proceeded to take four of the little pills from the bottle and drop them in 5ml of water. It takes about three minutes for them to dissolve. While the pills were dissolving, I went and got Gage from the bedroom and sat him on the couch. I told him that we needed to take it nice because the medicine would help his eyes. He just sat there staring at me, looking very nervous. I tipped the little cup of liquid and sucked it up in the syringe and walked over and sat by Gage. He stiffens up and tries to push the syringe away. You have to hold his hands and somehow lock his legs, so he doesn't kick you or the medicine out of your hands (it is easier with a couple of people). Finally, when you get him all locked into place, you put the syringe in his mouth, and he clenches his teeth together and puts the fortress on "lockdown." Getting the medicine through the ivory dome of his clenched teeth is a little tricky. The best way to accomplish this is to squeeze the sides of his jaws, which is pretty tough but works. This whole process (after I get him out of the bedroom) takes about seven minutes, but it seems like a lot longer!

After the medicine is forced down, it is like a switch gets flipped. All of a sudden, he starts to smile and often gives a thumbs-up—like he is proud of himself (for what I don't know). He told us that the medicine wasn't that bad and even told us "thank you" for giving it to him. It is so confusing. We usually say something like, "Since it wasn't so bad, will you take your medicine nice next time?" He looks straight at us and says, "No." So far, he has been truthful; he does not like to take his medicine. He just continues to fight it tooth and nail.

I was thinking about this and how Paul recounts the story of his conversion in Acts 26 before King Agrippa. He tells how it was midday, and a very bright light from heaven caused him and those who traveled with him to fall to the ground. Then there was a voice saying, "Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads" (Acts 26:14). I think from the context clues, we can gather an idea of what the phrase "kick against the goads" means here. From this context, we understand that Jesus asks why Paul continues fighting against God. The reference to kicking against the goads is a reference to a tool that was used in plowing. To kick against the goads is an agricultural phrase common in the first century. In our world, we don't know what a goad is because they are not used. When plowing, there was a device made out of iron with a point on one end, and the plower would use it to keep the oxen moving - they would prick them occasionally - sort of like a cattle prod, but instead of a little zap the oxen would get pricked by a sharp iron object. Of course, the goad would work, but there were times in which the ox would rebel against it and kick against the goad - it would kick against the prick and just end up hurting itself more. Jesus is telling Saul on the road to Damascus that he has been rebelling and persecuting Jesus, kicking against the goad.

I try to reason with Gage and tell him that it would be much easier if he just took his medicine nicely. So far, that isn't an option. Honestly, what is natural for Gage is to fight against taking his medicine. Gage is stubborn. Those who know him well will tell you that this is an understatement. For some reason, Gage will not wear our pajamas with a wolf on them. Some of his worst fits have been over pajamas. Most of the time, he fights getting his hair cut. And just so you know, we pay a professional, and even though she says she believes him to be an angel, she has seen his stubborn streak. If we are honest, aren't we all a little stubborn? There is a reason that DC Talk song, "The Hardway," resonated with so many people - because we often learn the hard way don't we? We spend a lot of time kicking against the goad. Paul's conversion story might be unique in some ways, but in other ways, something about it resonates with all of us. We might not be rounding up and killing Christians, but what seems natural for us all too often is to trust in our power and abilities and choose our own way. DC Talk had it right; our own way is the hard way. The Lord wants to guide and prod us because his way is best, but we are prone to kick against the goads.

I watch my son fight tooth and nail against the medicine that will likely save his life and can't help but think about how I have, time after time, rebelled against the One that gave his life for mine. I have continually kicked and struggled against the goad. I used to think Gage got his stubborn streak from his mother's side, and although that side of his genes does not help, the stubborn streak comes from his dad. It would be nice to be able to blame my mother-in-law for Gage's stubborn tendencies, but that is not how it works.

The fact is we all naturally are stubborn and rebel. We see this in the scriptures over and over again in the first books of the Bible, where the Hebrew people are supernaturally redeemed from Egyptian oppression and yet stubbornly complain over and over again. You would think they would remember how God redeemed them and gladly endure hardship as the Lord continued leading them to the place he had prepared for them. We read through the opening books of the Bible and think to ourselves, "I am glad that I am not like those ungrateful people - how could they protest after all that the Lord has done?" We point our fingers, forgetting that when we do, there are three pointing right back at ourselves. We are more like them than we want to admit.

Jesus was born and lived a perfect life. When I say that his life was perfect, I mean that he was obedient to God's commandments in every way. There was not one place where he fell short of what God the Father asked of anyone. You and I, on the other hand, have fallen short of the Lord's commandments and continue to do so on a daily basis. The problem with disobedience is the consequences. Any violation of God's law bears the consequence of the divine wrath of God. I know that isn't a popular theme, and it doesn't seem to fit in a story about a child with cancer who doesn't like to take his medicine. But I think it does.

All illustrations will break down at some point, but bear with me. We are all sinners who bear the consequences of our sins. Gage has a disease. If left untreated, he will also bear the consequences of that disease. Gage needs this medicine in order to save his life, and we need spiritual medicine that will save our souls. Jesus lived a perfect life and then died and bore the wrath of God for every person who would place their faith and trust in him. I know this. I believe that when he died, he took my place, that I have been freed from the eternal consequence of my sin. I know that when the Lord looks at me, he sees the perfect obedience of his son that has been applied to me in faith. I know that Jesus' life and death are the remedy for a life plagued by sin, a life that deserves to bear the weight of that sin. Ironically, one can know these things and continue to be thick-headed and stubbornly think that we know what is best for our lives. We often lose focus, take our eyes off the medicine, and pursue a path we think is best. Shouldn't we look at what Jesus did and follow him in obedience because we are so grateful for what he has done? It should be a no-brainer, but it isn't. We all struggle and are stubborn. Some of us more than others (I am talking about myself).

Lately, while praying for Gage, I have been praying that his stubborn tendencies concerning his medicine, wherever they are from, do not characterize the rest of his life. His kicking against the goads now concerning the medicine is one thing, and it will improve. I pray that he does not have the same tendency later on. I pray that he would not rebel against Jesus and that there would be no stubbornness regarding spiritual things. I pray that he would not have to learn "The Hardway" and that he would trust Jesus and continually rest in what Jesus has done for him.

Thank you all again for your prayers and support. We cannot say it enough; it means the world to us. Our insurance denied covering the medicine that Gage is on, which we knew it would. The medicine is not FDA-approved for children with Erdheim–Chester disease. The fact is, there is no medicine that is approved for this in children. Our team at Mayo filed an apeal yesterday so we are praying that our insurance company would listen to our doctor and cover this drug for us.